3.2 Application of the body language
3.2.1 Greetings
Hoa has just arrived from Vietnam. Her cousin Phuong and some of his American friends are waiting at the airport to greet her. Hoa and Phuong are both excited about this meeting because they have been separated for seven years. As soon as Hoa enters the passenger terminal, Phuong introduces her to his friends Tom, Don, and Charles. Tom steps forward and hugs and kisses Hoa. She pushes him away and bursts into tears.
Among Chinese from Vietnam, if a boy hugs and kisses a girl in public, he insults her. Chinese culture in Vietnam is very strict about this, especially in the rural areas where Hoa grew up. She described her village: “After children are ten years old, boys and girls cannot play together. A boy and girl cannot date without their parents’ approval. A man and woman cannot hug or kiss if they’re not married.”
In Hoa’s village if anyone violated these rules, the villagers punished the girl by forcing her to kneel on the ground so they could spit at her and throw rocks at her. No wonder that Puong’s American friends frightened Hoa. She did not know what punishment for public hugging and kissing might be meted out to her in this country. She confused Tom, who by American standards was dong the right thing.
Eventually Hoa learned to be comfortable when greeted with hugs and kisses, accepting them as merely perfunctory acts.
Analogous to this situation is another in which Duane, a Chinese American employee, invited his non-Chinese boss, Mr. Keck, to a large family celebration. When Mr. Keck arrived, he shook hands with Duane and, when introduced to Duane’s grandmother, leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. This shocked the older woman, yet Mr. Keck was totally unaware that he had committed a social blunder. What he considered as a respectful act, grandmother considered disrespectful. Instead, Mr. Keck should have nodded to the older woman and offered her a verbal greeting.
◆ When establishing relations with Asians, avoid body contact. The safest form is to nod and give a verbal salutation. Follow their lead as the relationship changes.
Like customs everywhere, increased cross-cultural interaction brings about changes in habits; many Asian businesspeople have accommodated to the American handshaking tradition. On the other hand, in a situation where it seems as if bowing would still be the only polite move to make—especially to the Japanese—following these guidelines should make it easier.
◆ When bowing to people from Japan, hands should slide down toward the knees or remain at the side.
◆ Back and neck should be held in a rigid position, while eyes look downward.
◆ The person in the inferior position always bows longer and lower.
Those from India, Sri Lanka, and Bangladesh use the namaste for both greeting and farewells and as a sign of respect. They do this by holding their hands chest-high in a prayerlike position, then slightly nod the head; but they do not bow. American students of yoga who are taught by Asian teachers become familiar with this gesture that heralds the beginning of each session. Thais have a similar greeting, but they call it a wai.
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